Skeletons In The Closet

I learned an idiom today:

Skeletons In The Closet ( secrets from your past which you try not to show to other people ... )

"Skeletons in the closet" are things about your past which you would prefer not to tell to other people. Example: "He's a very popular senator but he will never be elected president; he has too many skeletons in the closet." Years after a person has died, only the skeleton remains, and a skeleton of bones can be a frightening thing to look at. "Skeletons in the closet" are embarrassing things which we would like to put away so other people cannot see them. Example: "I don't want anything to do with that guy; he has too many skeletons in the closet." Example: "I had only known her for one week. How could I know what skeletons she had in her closet?"

Estaba preocupada

GOSH, I felt some bummed out and not alive, super apathetic and unexcited about things I normally get enthusiatic about. (I was getting really worried about myself.)

Now, I feel alive and free, like I'm allowed to be happy.

I called my Mom tonight after Karate class and asked how she was, I should call my mom more often. Mom's always wanted to be apart of my education. She joined the PTA/O back in middle school 'cause she wanted to support my education, though I'm sure she never went to any sort of meeting they had, think it'd be a bit beyond her comprehension whatever they do there.

I talked to my mom calmly starting with, "So Mom, there's a study abroad opportunity in China..." and reason and telling other things that are going on such as housing issues.

She was thinking "don't you have to work?"
I don't HAVE TO, though my bosses have been bending the rules for me and I owe them a lot, literally.

:sigh: That decision was wavering over my head and weighing me down. That's a load off.

Precious

I am inspired by the movie Precious PUSH by Sapphire, hahahahhaha, to write everyday, 'cause she does it so I can do it, too.

Fakin' It

I think I've decided to just smile and laugh at what people say. Some people say fake it til you feel it. I don't like being fake. I'm just not feelin' it lately. That's the feeling of the moment. I think it's attributed to lack of social interaction and stimulation. I fear that the interaction will turn out bad. I think these are rather strange thoughts and thinking of mine. With hope and effort, let it just be a bridge back home.

Before, I used to talk to myself. There would be Sandy and San San. Sandy being my mind, my superego, and San San being the one in the world. Sandy said today, "It's been years since you've listened to me."

I promise, if and when I go to China, I'll write everyday, something, anything.

I happened to see a friend today. I was sitting down reading the paper outside the library when she approached me. She had said, "You know you're a nerd when you study in your free time." I guess. Whatever. Perhaps I should have given more merit to her point. But I well... that is what I like to do - learn. I'm trying to be better. I have some interests, things that sound/seem cool to me. But I like tip toe around it and I need to stop it and confront and elucidate it all.

I've been rather anti-social feeling.

It's good to get these feelings out. It's kinda better to blog than idk tell people, well in the point that then you don't need to share with tons of people over and over again individually. Well, ya get my point, but then again conversation is very. It's like that lil cartoon, this this happened to me and the other character says, ya... I know... facebook.

Anywho, it's time to get to work. I'm going to update my GI notes, then if i have my manatou gi notes, look that over, look at zanfel, then do endocrine! and any other time left over is for meth and anatomy.

plans this weekend:
friday: social justice conference, karate, styles of asia? study
saturday: social justice conference, convention 8 - go to the first one, and up or on the rocks with steph, cathy and shams ??? or not go and just study!!
sunday: prepare for derm class, review notes, study for PE and law, study endocrine, meth

I guess what bothers me today the conversation I had with my friend. She asked what I was doing/gonna do. I kinda acted like everything else was done? Or that was her impression so I went with that? Stupid right? Yea. Just we are constantly working on something, studying and trying to remember things, just keep fightin' the humongo tide of work that's thrown our way is how I see it.

For some daym reason I thought what people do is just piss off all day, so I was kinda lot in the reality of what work I had to do. I just always see certain people always relaxing, watching a movie.

I haven't been being real with myself about the reality of where I am. Also, I don't give guys a chance. I don't give people a chance for some time. I'm being like the kid in Catcher in the Rye.

Notepad

I was writing my W paper last week. Sooooo...lemme tell ya, this is what I dooo. I write big paragraphs in notepad, then I plop them into Word. I was writing all about how meth works, all the dopamine releasing outta the vesicles and destroying the mitochondria - ah! it was, it was it was exciting. And THEN, my computer f R o Z e ! And well Notepad don't got AutoSave.

Research / EBP / Literature

People ask me if I want to go research. I give them a quick no. I actually did want to do research on Chemistry before, but then I felt I was too busy with academics. I am interested. People say it is boring. I'm sure it can be. So what. Though what your idea of research you have in your head can vary. I am thinking about doing research again. Now that I've learned some about the roads I can take from Pharmacy, that's why. I'm thinking about pharmacoeconomics, research articles and literature. I really want to be able to understand medical literature. I believe it is key. I think that every pharmacist should be able to interpret a study, evaluate how good a study is and give sound advice thereafter. And this leads me to evidence based practice. It's what's hot. :) EBP is what drives and shapes practice decisions. I'm going to be taking a course on it next Fall. I would also like to take at least another statistics course as well. I want to review statistics over the summer with that book I have at home. I think it's really important. My professors tried to teach us a bit about some stats, but totally failed. I knew what they were talking about 'cause I took Intro to Stats course before Pharmacy School. And so, I'd like to refresh my stats knowledge. One of the questions in the Journal Club is, is there enough information to figure out if the tests were conducted properly? And... I don't know like the first damn thing 'bout that shit, like I don't know what factors I NEED.

I want to be able to...
know the ins and outs of literature
and
understand the statistics mumbo jumbo in the literature

I visited my professor at his practice down at the VA in West Haven, CT with 4 other students. He never thought he would be conducting research. People wanted the West Haven site to start this group diabetes study and he said, "Great!" 'cause the other faculty member he worked with specialized in Diabetes! So YEAA all on board. But then, Dr. Lee left. And then, Dr. Jeffrey was stuck being the PI (principal investigator).

~SPC