Happenstance

I have been crazy. I didn't want to accept what people were telling me and had already made up my mind, and sought for some way to get what I wanted, but at the core, I knew, I knew I was playing a losing game the way I was going about it.

I never liked someone so much. I really haven't. And man I really think he's it. Once I like tricked myself to liking someone and thought about him even though there was nothing. Aaand, I was acting a bit desperate, and I didn't learn. I messed up a whole bunch of times with this guy I really like. I kept thinking there must be something I can do or say. But I knew anything I did would bear no fruit. It was all very irrational. And gosh, before what I did last I thought this is the end of it, but then I did what I did and it's like wow I really did it in to have no more chance with this guy. I just thought, he wanted to beg. But afterwards, I realized the error of my ways.

I had a hard time getting over this guy. It was hard 'cause we kept talking after we stopped seeing each other. And then me looking back to good times and thinking we were still there and him also insinuating sexual things, and that confused me, and then I was too serious at times to catch the joke. @@.

I really really must go to sleep, more later now.

Just know that now, I'm alright. I've let the feelings fade. I still remember we were happy, we had good times, and how I felt with him. But right now, I have to live.

Deeply I hope. But, who knows. May be.

I realize it's all about timing. Life is all happenstance. Happenstance.