Express Grattitude

Lately, for sometime I had walked home everyday thinking how grateful I am for the people I have in my life. I was thinking just now, how do I show it? - Does it need to be shown/expressed?

I should always express myself. Express myself now, not later, cause really what's the wait?

Work toward your goals in life. Never plan a minute detail - life is too unpredictable.

So... take baby steps.
And a couple baby steps later...
You'll eventually get there

One thing I learned: Walls are there to be taken down.
We all have these walls/obstacles
But, like in reality, no wall is impossible to break down.
It's a matter of how bad you want it!

You have one life,
just one chance.
Fight whatever obstacles lay ahead of you
Becasue, you only get one life, one chance...

Another thing: HOPE
Remember that even if you feel lke there's no hope, you can still make someone's hope come true

and sometimes... it's something really really simple.

Do you know what the American Dream is?
hint: it's not wealth homes, cars, etc
the ORIGINAL AMERICAN DREAM was coined by:
James Truslow Adams
in
"The Epic America"

"It is not a dream of motor cars and high wages merely, but a dream of social order in which each man and each woman shall be able to attain to the fullest stature of which tey are innately capable, and be recognied by others for what htey are, regardless of circumstances of birth or position"

"Legacy: The Giving of Life's Greatest Treasures" by Barrie Sanford Freiff, MD

Life your life to leave a Legacy
Basing it on the 9 L's

1 Legacy, we should live to leave a legacy to affect those we care most about
2 Loving, Let the people you love, know you love them. Don't be afraid to love yourself & Make time to do the things you love
3 Learning, Learn to cope with life's challenges. Acquire the wisdom necessary to remain strong... without learning, we can't help those we love
4 Laboring, Life is hard, but that doesn't mean you give up. Work brings out a better in us, and helps us appreciate the small things in life
5 Laughing & Lamenting, Remember to laugh & let loose & enjoy life. Remember to face grief and express it... it's that simple...
6 Linking, We don't meet people by handshakes alone. We're brought together by ideas, hopes, passions, stories and memories. Cherish them.
7 Living, "A well lived life is a life of risk." Don't be afraid to live your life, and really, don't dwell on the "if's" of life
8 Leading
9 Leaving, We all end up leaving friends and loved ones... Lead a life so that they would neer forget your legacy.

Life your life,
for yourself
and live it the best you can!

Kind Words From Chun Chua Yun

Bubbly. Fun-loving. Joyous. Cheerful. Sweet memories Sandy brings, now and always. A true girlfriend whose always there, never fails to keep this girl bond alive despite being thousands and thousands of miles away and having a 24hour time difference between us. Nothing stops this girl! She is ever-loving, ever-optimistic and encouraging best girlfriend. Yet sharp and smart, she always plays the advisory role when it comes to responding to me pleas. Though so many miles apart, she feels always near and ever close in my heart. Sandy i love you! :)

Music Speaks to Me

This song speaks to me:

Des'ree
Gotta Be
Big Sing 2008

Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Others they may cause your tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted don't be shamed to cry

You gotta be, you gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Read the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My, oh, my, hey hey hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Time asks no questions it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning can't stop it if you tried to
The best part is danger staring you in the face
Whoa

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day


Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Others they may cause your tears
Go ahead release your fears
My, oh, my, hey, hey, hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

You got to be bold, you got to be bad
You got to be wise, don't ever say it
You got to be hard, not too too hard
All I know is love will save the day

Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save...

The day

Oooh, oooh
Oooh, oooh, oooh oooh, oooh

Friends

I'd been feeling really down about boys and school, particularly boys.

MY FRIENDS,
THEY LEND ME THEIR STRENGTH

SO I MAY BE BETTER :D

I thought about this and thought about the Sailor Moon song - Carry On - when she goes up against the evil Queen whatever-her-name-is-I-forget.

Here I'm standing in the night,
My crescent wand's the only light.
Alone against my darkest fears,
But I sense my friends are here.
I'll draw from each of the power I need,
The evil Queen we will defeat.

Give me the strength to carry on.
With all our love we can't go wrong.
Only together we face the fight.
Nothing can stand against our might.

(music)

Give me the strength to carry on.
With all our love we can't go wrong.
Only together we face the fight.
Nothing can stand against our might.

With all our strength the battle's won.
With all our love we can't go wrong.
We have the strength to carry on.

Current Situation

There's several, perhaps many, things I found well to be an issue. They are past issues, my perhaps baggage as some may say - though it sounds sooo negative - these are a past that I realize in the past I have thought about talked about it briefly and found some sort of resolve in that moment. But I realize, what I did was just suppress it. Why? How? Because I didn't know how to deal and I had more important things to engross myself in and I belittled my own problems as they paled in comparison to the morbidity and mortality of loved ones, of my friends' problems, at the world's problems. But I realize - to each his own. Everyone has their problems. More importantly, everyone has a story, and everyONE has some wisdom to offer/give. What is mine to give? I give my kindness, genuinity and friendliness in hopes for a good time, in hopes to brighten the day.
What I most long for is to belong. To perhaps belong in the embrace of a man, and stand as his backbone, his pillar of strength, behind every good man is a woman. But I want friends, I want a life. I want to be me. I want to discover myself. I want to get in touch with me. SPC, Sandysan, San. I'm super smart, I can memroize tons of things, I'm going to be a great pharmacist emparting empathy and doing everything I can for others. In everythingi all I want to give 110, no 200% of myself because what you get what you put in. How much I put myself into something I can only be rewarded more and more. I"m a philosopher. I"m a linguist. I"m a Buddhist on the rise. I'm a runner at heart always. I've ran so far away from just everything. It's time to run back, kinda like to home, to "home" where I feel safe and comfortable in my skin. I"m productive, too. I like getting tons of stuff done. And I"m a great proponent of to get anything done it takes time and that I'll spend that time to acheive my goal(s).
Yesterday, I was a lil crazy and I tellin my friend, S, that I need to be ambitious and I need to be better, a better student, a person - she was like "WHAT Sandysaannn, you're already a good person I don't know what you're talkin' about." But I haven't shown the world I'm a good person. I must first make amends with myself.

Independence - Under Construction

Independence doesn’t mean you don’t need other people or care about what other people think about you. Independent people seek things which empower them (things that allow them to use their strengths) instead of things that enable them (things that allow them to defer their development).

Under Construction. And on the journey to REGAIN my independence that I've drifted so far from.

EDIT:
I got a fortune cookie (2/8/2010 on my birthday):
Others admire your independence.

I admire my own independence.

I need to read those Chicken Noodle Soup books!

for
Teenage Soul
Runners
Teacher Tales
Devotional Stories for Women
True Love
Teens Talk Relationships
Extraordinary Teens
Teens Talk Tough Times
Teens Talk Relationships
Teens Talk Growing Up
Tough Times Tough People

Dram-atic!

I like dramatic!

Not drama. Drama makes things not simple anymore.

Hah I was thinking this morning...
I was thinking about how the luxurious plush blanket I have is like those Asian blankets. I say like, like similar. Then I thought about what was on those: animals like tigers, phoenixes. And I thought it was funny, I was like I know why Eric wants those tattoos! He wants to be an Asian blanket!!! hahahahahhha I don't think I'll mention it to him for awhile?? Okay I told him. I just want to express what is on my mind.

I'm trying to have more meaningful relationships. Like rather than just doing stuff.

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself.

Don't get complacent. It might be comfortable and fun being at the top of one level, but you've got to break through, you've got to get uncomfortable to continue to learn and achieve.

Ethanol

Ethanol
Why? – Asian flush
Ethanol is metabolised by the liver by alcohol dehydrogenase to acetaldehyde, then by aldehyde dehydrogenase to acetate.
In 50% of Asian people, an inactive genetic variant of one of the aldehyde dehydrogenase isoforms (ALDH-2) is expressed; these individuals experience a disulfiram-like reaction after alcohol, and the incidence of alcoholism in this group is extremely low.
In the presence of disulfiram, which produces no marked effect when given alone, ethanol consumption is followed by a severe reaction comprising flushing, tachycardia, hyperventilation, and considerable panic and distress, which is due to excessive acetaldehyde accumulation in the bloodstream.

Why – do we want to pee?!
Diuresis is caused by inhibition of antidiurectic hormone secretion, and tolerance develops rapidly, so that dieresis is not sustrained.

out of touch with who I am

Email from Michelle Today

Sandy.

Have I ever told you how much strength I get from you? I was thinking much of today and last night and I realized that you've always been there. Have been there since I could remember. In all honesty, I truly appreciate your friendship and the bond that we somehow managed to have. Even through distance, stress, work, school and any other conflicting issues that we both have, we manage to remain friends, good friends.

I still to this day believe you have this inner strength inside you that seems to attract me to you. I believe you've become one of my best friends: reliable, trustworthy, positive, ambitious is who you are! And I absolutely love you for being you. I know you're having a hard time figuring out who you are but your genuine and friendly personality has got me attached. It's really hard these days to figure out the ones who will leave and the ones who will stay. I can confidently say that you are one to stay. I can definitely see us still friends 10 years from now. I can see us all old and wrinkly and talking about the stupidest things to the most wonderful things such as life!

I don't know if I've said it enough but thank you so much for all the things you've done for me! Including the trip to Cali. That by far has been the nicest thing someone has ever done for me! I truly truly appreciate it. And I am so glad that we've gotten so closer since! I hope one day I can return the favor back to you. =]

Thank you so much Sandy. I love you!

-Elly

Honest T

People are not as honest as they say they are.
I'm very naive.

Quotes

Go hard or go home.

Self-improvement
Beliefs / “Religion”
Self-confidence

Passions
Learning languages
Dancing
Working out – running and lifting weights
Learning pharmacy

I'm a list person!

Busy

People don't seem to appreciate, what is it?, things beyond their scope. Or I find some people to be static rather than dynamic. But when I'm not around them they can change their mind and that is their dynamic potential.

Like my friend is like why are you in class so much?

Uh... we are both seniors. That means more work, more busy. I don't know how she is taking 4 classes and still graduating on time cause she said she was gonna have to graduate late since she was having a hard time getting into class.

People just don't seem to realize that we are at college. We are here to learn and to grow and it requires challenge and coursework.

What I'm trying to get at is that my friends don't understand that Pharmacy school is kinda something difficult. Well not that difficult perhaps, but it takes time. But really it is to say everyone is busy, not just me a student on a professional school especially I am, but every major is difficult. It's just the coursework has been distributed differently for each of us.

It's great to know people care about me.
It's great when people support you. Just think, someone out there does, and sometime it just has to be you.
We go through a lot of pain. We struggle. And we don't have to struggle alone, explained in that humans are social creatures.

I found out today that the way I talked to my friend, she perceived it as judgemental. I did not place the blame on her, though I should have apologized. Though after a brief silence and a couple sentences said she asked to just drop it. I know her recently lost her mom. That is extremely difficult. She says only her boyfriend really knows. Which well she spends a lot of time with him. But we went to go play pool and stuff and perhaps she was trying to make me feel bad in a way. Understandable. Forgivable cause I understand.

Everyone's loss is unique and difficult. My experiences that pale in to comparison is my parents' relationship and the loss of my grandmother and my really bad social experiences.

But this experience tonight swiped a smile off my face and replaced it with a mostly fake one. And led me to think - People suck - and - I need new friends. PERIOD.
And so, I gotta get out there, talk to people, be the person I want to be, the person I envision to be, the person I believe I can be. And so I need to join stuff by myself, otherwise sometimes I cling and/or worry about the other person I am with.

Learn:
Chinese
Japanese
Korean

Learn:
acupuncture
TCM
herbals
Eastern philosophy


I know I'll be doing some great things as a pharmacist: advising, making sure correct medication, proper dosing, counseling, and just being a nice person, being helpful. But, I think it would be simply great to join the army as a Pharmacist. I could do some great stuff. Hey, maybe I can become a pharmacist then hopefully after my hopefully study abroad trip to China I will be so inspired/compelled that I will attend an Asian Medical School. I could then practice acupuncture and pharmacy!

I gtg study for exam!!

I believe I have drifted so far from my ideals and what I believe.

I believe I've written this before...

I want a guy that...
speaks Spanish
Asian
dances
loves/likes to dance
challenges me, works with me

Some popular people - people that have a lot of friends seem boring to me.
It is their problem and/or my unfortunate encounter.

People may not be interesting all of the time. I understand this.

But as my friend says it is through multiple contacts you get to know someone.

I love having a single. It wasn't that my roommates were very bad, but it's that I need my space and unfortunately their presence was not conducive to my campus life.

What are my interests?

People - their story
Spanish language
Medicine
language
how stuff works
orange
outdoors

what are my friends'interests?
japanese
dancing
pop culture
songs
going out

Homesickness, will it hit me?
Imma be in school for a while and then I'll go home for a couple days then I'll be flying off to Oz for 3 weeks. And then, I will have a couple days and then I will be back at school again.

I guess I was fearing I may get the homesickness because I've been having a horrible headache and feeling soooo cold.

I wish I was trained in some dance.

How I summarize it is that I repel Asians.
Various things have contributed to it.
-My siblings are anti-Asian club/association
-People are clicky
-I used to date James Li and probably bad first impressions with people and as a freshmen just trying to learn to figure out how to socialize. I was dealing with a lot of firsts and wasn't very good at adapting to the changes.
-I wasn't that great of a mentor.
-And partly I get tired of always initiating things
So thus has produced the negative vibes and connotation.

What it is:
I gotta listen to Mr. Dale Carnegie. Wipe out this negative attitude.

Think about it:
Nothing is set in stone except like plane tickets.
And
Remember, Good vibes are contagious!

I have a huge zit on my chin @@!

The Differin gel I use every night helps to bring zits forth. And then I'm supposed to get clear. It is hard cause zits come forth. pustules come forth and then they get pus filled and ya wanna pop 'em.

I gotta hold out!

I've said things I truly don't really mean. Like, it was nice seeing you. It seems like something so empty to say. I want to say it with emotional backing.

I have some dislike of my friends
I think there are several contributing factors.
-I expect too much.
-Sometimes they really ARE on a different planet.
-My 21st "birthday" dinner / ruined 21st birthday
-I seem to have some coolness ratings - something I think I need to shake, but the sort of counterargument of that your time is precious and it's hard to decide who is worth your while.

I see that a lot of times people do not remember what I tell them. I suppose it is because it is not interesting to them. I am, I guess, disheartened that they forget. Shame Shame. But seeing that I feel that, I understand that people like that people remember what one communicates - it's like you took the time to (kinda) get to know that person (in a way).

What did you like about Sandy (most) back in the day?

Bieu: What did you like about Sandy (most) back in the day?
Thanh: Her facial expressions.


Bieu - I have to agree.

Some note I made a long time ago

I was in ITEB, stil in ITEB. It was about 9:30, I got super hungry. Me, thinking I had zero food besides some gum and drugs (ibuprofen) rummage through the pockets and pull out an ORANGE! okay now not one but tWoooo!

I ate one, it was sO sweet. so good. still hungry, but at bay.

Yesterday my awesome roommate ;] gave me five oranges to help fight the Scruve. So I did that last night.

Also been a mango monster - which is also scruvy fighting btw.

Scurvy is an avitaminosis resulting from lack of vitamin C, as without this vitamin, the synthesised collagen is too unstable to meet its function. Scurvy leads to the formation of liver spots on the skin, spongy gums, and bleeding from all mucous membranes. The spots are most abundant on the thighs and legs, and a person with the ailment looks pale, feels depressed, and is partially immobilized. In advanced scurvy there are open, suppurating wounds and loss of teeth, and eventually, death. The human body cannot store vitamin C,[27] and so the body soon depletes itself if fresh supplies are not consumed through the digestive system.

o dang i didn't think that was gonna be that largo.

Anywayz: Untreated scurvy is always fatal !

k, k, back to study. =}

Become a better conversationalist.

Sin City

The first time I went to Sin City was with Michelle and her friend Ashley. They seemed to really think well of the place. I thought it was okay.

And last night, where was the top 40 @? More like bottom 40 @@!!! They play techno songs and remixes for absurdly long. I think they played Darude's Sandstorm last time we were there. This is such a stark contrast to California. No good looking guys, bar didn't have the flavored mojito Elly wanted, alotta ppl weren't dancing, man I just couldn't really get into the mood.

Oh yea I still manage to attract black guys, that dunt whereever stop where I go. I think the guy I was dancing with at Up may have been black. He seemed Latino and black, coulda been Dominican.

I'm kinda losing interest in drinking. Though perhaps my beer and bad music pairing turned more off last night.

I waste time arguing with stupid friends a lot.

Next shopping adventure is at Sephora! I have located what seems to be the perfect new toner! Sephora Brand (Alcohol-free) Toner! Yay! Per online, it's like 4 or 5 bucks! I really hope I can find it in the stores.

Ha, maybe if I wake up early I can study, prepare a few items a bit for dinner later, go to the mall to buy the toner! (gotta park by Aero/Macy's & Sephora opens at 10!), then I gotta book it to work at 10:30 til 5:30. Go home study or bring some books go to WesConn Library til I have to pick up my sis at 6:20pm. Then go home and prepare dinner. Eat, read some stuff online, learn about the crisis in the markets, study ?, watch Hell's Kitchen at 9pm, sleep around 10pm. And remember to be hygienic! Ya!

Wake up early and don't spend you life in bed. I didn't like having roommate cause they liked to lie around in bed a lot, I think 1 cause they have bf and all that, 2 they lazy, 3 they need rest. But you are missing out on so much just sleeping in til 12pm every day! That's what Diane told me tonight. I'm covering for her tomorrow.

I'm thinking I'm going to be making 500 net? But then I haven't taken into account the printer and digital camera I'm going to buy. Hmm okay I calculated from like a few months ago the highest last balance, right now that's giving me 200 net plus about 400 in future deposits plus I just deposited 200-300 today. My next bill is going to be about 300 dollars. And then that doesn't include, the printer (100) and camera (200) I'm going to buy! So that leaves me with a net of 300 dollars. But then I can work 3 more possible days the week I leave for school! I also could work the day I leave for school in the morning. But anyway, thad give me another 200 dollars. Oh man and then I wanna buy a chair and one of those organizer cubes I saw at target today.

I'm going to get my sis to buy me that jbl alarm thing.

Man I kinda don't know where all the money went!
But possible vacation this Winter? Maybe not, it's sooo expensive! But I can work and probably make a k. But think about this, you have your whole life to work! So be careful.

Also, I still haven't bought contact lenses. That's about a hundred dollars right there! And I've waited too long for the coupon at Costco has expired. @@

For the summer:
China study abroad program? for about 4-5 weeks
Australia for 2-4 weeks (with Cathy?)
Singapo' if Chun is in Sing Sing
Southern California (Meet up Michelly Elly and friends and Long and Dupree)
Northern California (w/ Clinton?)
And back to CT

Also, to self, don't be delusional!

On Acne/Face:

I'm going to put my faith and patience in the 0.1% Differin gel. Apparentlyl I've been using it allll wrong. I would put on the Differin after I moisturize. (But actually one person said if you are getting especially dry to do it this way, which I did get dry and irritated.) But one person says to cleanse, apply the gel, wait 10 minutes, then moisturize. I'm going to do this nightly. The person said they also spot tx with BP after the Differin wait, which I plan to try. They also said they do it twice a day. I think I ought to apply nightly.

On things I can cook:
Zucchini Carbonara. Best with rotini, spiral pasta.
Beef Broccoli Stir-fry
Onions, Steak, Bell Peppers Stir-fry
Sweet and Sour Soup with Chicken (non-traditional sweet and sour soup)
Tofu Soup
Quesadillas
(simple) Rice noodle soup
Ground pork and onions with rice vermecilli, lettuce, mint, cucumbers, peanuts, sauce
Lasagna
Fried rice with Chinese sausage, peas, black pepper, egg, carrots
Steak and steamed asparagus
Wonton soup
Sponge cake

Other things I would cook to survive:
Steak
Sausage
Hot Dog
Pancakes
Fried Egg
Toast
Cold cut sandwiches: roast beef with muenster!
Mac 'n Cheese
Chicken Nuggets
Dumplings
Chicken with soy
Instant Noodles (Sapporo, Kung-fu, etc)
Instant Noodles with egg
Pasta with sauce and beef
Egg noodles with beef

Future:
Pad thai with broccoli, red bell peppers, peanuts
Asian dishes
Chinese broccoli
Sliced Shitake Mushrooms and pork and cabbage
Lomo Saltado

I have non-crazy acne, the type that likes to stay underneath. I should keep with the Differin gel. It takes such a long time to work. @@

I've taken to trying to shape my eyebrows. In high school I recall this one time I think it was Spanish class or something we had to get into groups of 3, I remember it was me, Elly and this Latina girl. I noticed that both of them had very defined eyebrows. I questioned why I didn't and felt less than them. I was happy with my eyebrows sorta in high school, I was happy with them in middle school. Yesterday and this morning I've taken to trying to figure out this shaping. They say that Asian eyebrows tend to droop, and so my eyebrows will require some shaping. I've plucked away some hairs that have been there for a loooong time that I've been too afraid of plucking away. I've always plucked my eyebrows, and in the end of my session it never looked that great. But I've figured it out, I overpluck. What I really need to be doing is trimming. So with guidance from about.com, a lil friscar's sciccors since I can't find the trimmin ones, a couple people's pictures who I know their eyebrows are great!... hah from fb!, and a picture of my second sister.

So right now it's not perfect, but it's better than before, much better. I still have work to do on getting the arch.

I need to get a hair cut. I want at least 4 inches off, maybe I can pull of some sweeping bangs kinda thang.

I managed to get my first 3 mosquito bites this summer while watching Fever Pitch on demand.

Gotta grow out my hair
but i need to get it styled
i figured out how to use the flat iron now.
i've figured out make-up basically
i'd like a pink blush though and pink lip gloss, or rather more like lip color that doesn't have the reminiscence of lipstick.

things i gotta buy
camera - $200
ergonomic task chair - $60-+
cotton balls - $1
mirror - $10
ipod speaker thing - $30-60
new (hp) jet printer - $80

pay uncle 20 bucks for the double A batteries that I won't be using.

Make-up

My make-up products:

foundation: Bare Minerals - Golden Medium/Medium
eyeshadow: Almay trio for browns intense i-color
liner: brown CoverGirl
mascara: CoverGirl LashBlast and Eyelights
eye curler: Revlon
blush
lipgloss: Bath&Body Works Mango Tango, American Beauty Lush Berry, Calvin Klein sparkle delicious pout

Ambition

I'm going to hike the Appalachian Mountains for - well maybe a month - how long is really tentative.

I'm going to join the Armed Forces, I don't know which one.
-I think it is a great opportunity for my own learning
-a way to do good
-great honor to serve my country

Be the best pharmacist I can be, absorb all the fucking knowledge ever, hopefully!!!

Take care of myself, and fuck all the rest.

Drive manual transmission.

Learn langages

LOL

lol. i don't get, lol. it just seems stupid a lotta times.
lol - do they mean it? people can't seem to pick up a phone anymore, i think they should stuff it with their lol.
like my conversation tonight
me: i gotta go to bed.
friend: lol. mmkay.

i don't get it.
whatever
stuff it!

the past is the past. the past is gone. only what is left is the here and now. our futures are not defined by our past.

I want to smile more.

BIPI Internship?

This is the position summary they sent me:
Position Summary:

General Business/ Administrative and Support Services – Will be involved in many different business activities such as maintaining and processing data received from the Legal department, Relationship Marketing, Marketing Research programs etc. Will assist specialist/managers in product specific presentations to the unit as well as serve as a contact person for external departments inquires.

Duties & Requirements:

Entering information into several electronic databases for AE processing/handling

Completing information response delivery via appropriate means (e.g. US Postal Mail, fax or e-mail). Preparing packages for mailing (e.g. compiling AMCP binders, adding PIs etc.)

Assisting in creating and maintenance of product specific education in-services. Assist in 1-2 presentations on product specific information

Serve as point person for the archiving of DIU adverse event data, insufficient qualifiers, etc.

Reconciling primarily direct to consumer programs scanned hardcopy information against database entries

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But this is the position they told me I was looking to fill:

Summer Intern, Drug Information Unit
Job Reference INTMED00109
For consideration please submit : Resume, Cover Letter to Human Resources at: www.boehringeringelheim.appone.com
Position Summary:
Under the direction of the Associate Director, Drug Information or designee, the Summer Intern will be responsible for developing assigned written standard and custom responses to inquiries utilizing the published medical literature and internal Boehringer Ingelheim resources ensuring the quality of the written response complies with regulatory, commercial, and medical information policies and procedures.

DUTIES & RESPONSIBILITIES:
• Experience with literature searching.
• Experience with literature evaluation.
• Experience with bibliography development.
• Medical writing in compliance with American Medical Association format.
• Ability to effectively interpret, assess, and communicate written medical, scientific data.
REQUIREMENTS:
• Experience with drug information concepts and has a thorough grounding in pharmacotherapy.
• Has a grade point average of at least 3.2 after three years of professional pharmacy classes.
The ideal candidate will be entering their 3rd professional years of pharmacy school
All internships are paid and housing is sponsored by Boehringer Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals if required (based on current/permanent residence location)
Deadline for consideration is May 4th 2009

We do not achieve things by way of proclamations and slogans
but through persistence, effort, and enthusiasm.

You should learn from your experiences.
I should learn from my experiences.
I shouldn't say, entirely that I shouldn't have done it... just try to learn from it.

Learn what I want...
Learn something about myself, about them, perhaps get inspired, get happy, get sad unfortunately, but try to decipher those.

Change?

Just when you think you've figured it out, everything changes.

You CAN think about it pessimistically.
You don't have to, however.

x is gonna be an asshole with lots of excuses and be very forgetful. why? bc isnt that the way society is?...

I will try not to be asshole/bitch. I don't like to make excuses for anything. There shouldn't be such a thing.

Unlucky

I got no luck yo. That's all!

T.I. - Dead and Gone

(Feat. T.I.)

Chorus:

(Justin Timberlake):
Ooooooo
I've been travelin
On this road to long
Just trying to find
My way back home
The old me
Is dead and gone
Dead and gone
Ooooooo
I've been travelin
On this road to long
Just trying to find
My way back home
The old me
Is dead and gone
Dead and gone

(T.I.)
Ever had one of dem days
U wish woulda stayd home
Run into a group of niggas
Getting they hate on
U walk by
They get wrong u reply
Then shit get blown
Way outta proportion
Way past discussion
Just u against them,
Pick one then rush em
Figure u get your hair?
That next
They don't wanna stop
There now they bussin
Now u gushin, ambulance
Rushin u to the hospital
With a bad concussion
Plus ya hit 4 times
Plus it hit ya
Spine paralyzed waist down
Now ya wheel chair bound
Nevermind that now
U lucky to be alive,
Just think it all started u
Fussin with 3 guys
Now ya pride in the way
But ya pride is the way u
Could fuck around
Get shot die anyday
Niggas die
Every day all over
Bull shit dope money dice
Game ordinary hood shit
Could this be
Cuz of hip hop music
Or did the ones
With the good sense
Not use it
Usually niggas
Don't kno what to do
When their back
Against the wall
So they just start shootin
For red or for blue
Or for blo I guess,
From Bankhead
Or from your projects
No more stress,
Now I'm straight,
Now I get it now I take
Time to think,
Before I make mistakes
Just for my familys sake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away.

(Chorus)

(T.I.)
I aint never been scared,
I lived through tragedy
Situation coulda been dead
Lookin back at it
Most of that shit
Didn't even have to happen
But u don't think about it
When u out there trappin
In apartments hangin
Smokin and rappin
Niggas start shit didn't
Next thing ya kno we cappin
Get locked up
Then didn't even get mad
Now think about damn
What a life I had
Most of that shit
Look back just laugh
Some shit
Still look back just sad
Maybe my homboy
Till be around
Had I not
Hit the nigga
In the mouth that time
I won that fight, I lost that war
I can still see my nigga
Walkin out that door
Whoda thought I'd never see
Philant no more
Got enough dead homies
I don't want no more
Cost a nigga his job,
Cost me more
Ida took that ass-whoopin
Now for sure
Now think before I risk my life
Take them chances to get my stripe
A nigga put his hands on me alright
Otherwise stand there
Talk shit all night
Cuz I hit you, you sue me,
I shoot you, get locked up, who me?
No more stress, now I'm straight,
Now I get it now I take
Time to think
Before I make mistakes
Just for my familys sake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away.

(Chorus)

(J.T.)
I turn my head to the east
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west
Still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north,
Swallow that pill
That they call pride
The old me is dead and gone,
The new me will be alright
I turn my head to the east
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west
Still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north,
Swallow that pill
That they call pride
The old me is dead and gone,
The new me will be alright

(Chorus)

I just want to say,
some people think they are all that and a bag of chips!
even after a few years, still
they think
they are ALL that and a bag of chips!!!!!!

So much to do!

I just have soooo many things I need to do with my life!!!

-look crazy pretty
-look crazy hot
-get into crazy awesome shape

these things will involve a workout, make-up to enhance, and great clothes.

-tan
the sun

-be crazy smart
study over the summer!!!

-make money
work 40 hours a week
find a second job? - make 1-1.5k more money
don't think this will be feasible between working out, studying, spending time with family and my internship, and then I will see when I get to do my hospital hours.

Celeron

My oh my! what a warm sunny beautiful day!!

I went to celeron last night with grace and adriana and some new girlfriends. it was fun. grace didnt have fun though unfortunately. as we were walking to celeron on the rape trail victor was walking right by my side! And then my new girlfriends needed to use the bathroom and Victor was a big help with that. They were like we gotta be classy and not go in the bushes.

OH and I forgot to call Kathy Zhai, cause she said she'd be there. when I remembered we were walking back on the rape trail, I minutes later I saw her!!!! woot!

Then me and Victor walked to the Union and met up with Renaldo, Puja, Vi, and Guang. We just talked and then made our way over to Grad dorms and played drinking games with Texas Hold Em, and Puja and Renaldo did some magic card tricks. This was til like 3/4 AM. Probably like 3:30AM I got to bed.

I gtg cram!

Band I Like

I found a new band I like. It's called Better Than Ezra.

"You were going to be a doctor, movie star; a poet at a noble seminar. I hope the world never tore that out of you."

It's hard to do something well that you don't like (or temporarily don't like - situational). You won't be passionate about it and it will show. Imagine that for 20+ years.

1 Hour of Exercise or 24 Hours of Being Dead?

In your super-busy, time-starved, too-busy-to-exercise-life, what sounds better:
1 Hour of Exercise or 24 Hours of Being Dead?

It’s easy to be “too busy” and to put off all the important things we need to do in life. If you want to convince someone you didn’t have time to do something, you just tell them you were too busy; then expect them to believe you! Here’s what you really mean to say to that person:

“I had the time to call you back (because I have the same 24 hours in my day as you do), but I chose to do other things that were more important at the time. Therefore, you were moved lower on my priority list of things to do, and I will be calling you back when I no longer have priorities that rank higher than you.”
katielady

Now- let’s take that example and relate it to exercise. Answer these questions:

* How do you spend your time before work each day?

* How do you spend the time after work each day?

* Do you wake up 20 minutes earlier or do you sleep right up until the time your alarm clock goes off?

* Do you watch television? If so, for how long?

It’s this simple: If you prioritize being healthy above sleeping, you will exercise in the morning before work and you won’t:

* Make excuses.

* Allow anything to “pop up.”

* Allow your blackberry to interfere.

* Miss a single day.

Rather- You will wake up and look forward to exercising because it is going to increase your chances of living longer- and it’s that simple.

Please, please (pretty please) start an exercise program today. It’s a great first step to living a happier, healthier life. I know it may not be fun for you- but it can help you live longer.

Do you Already exercise? Please do a good deed today and pass this on to someone who needs to start exercising. You just may save a life!

I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk

There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

Susan Boyle

I thought I had posted my blog about Susan Boyle grrr something went wrong! I'm not sure if I can express what I felt the first time I watched the video clip of her.

She's amazing. She's my role model right now.

I'll put it short for now. I have to do some reading.

You are just so beautiful to me, Susan Boyle.

I'm coming back to my senses!

I'm coming back to the way I used to be. Thinking good positive, good-getter things!
Closer to getting back my motivation, my drive, my initiative.

I'm finding inspiration in life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"As long as it takes," I'm GON GET IT DONE!

It all takes time.

My Independence

"Independence doesn’t mean you don’t need other people or care about what other people think about you. Independent people seek things which empower them (things that allow them to use their strengths) instead of enable them (things that allow them to defer their development). It doesn’t sound to me like you need enabling, but you haven’t found someone who caters to your strengths."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think it's that I get convinced that I need all these things because of the environment around me sometimes can get me thinkin', maybe I need this, maybe I'm supposed to have that, maybe I should do that.

This and that I'm feeling incompetent in my academics has facilitated my reversion. Though I have made some progress, I have built up some intangible barriers and thus developed the fear of new things.


But I like trying new things. I went out and I learned how to Latin dance. It was through my initiative that I went by myself and had some a great experience.


Back in high school I would try to volunteer, find stuff on my own - do that volunteer thing at Tarrywile Park. I did the pole vault - an amazing amazing experience!

I feel like I'm slipping. Losing my independence.

But I am finding it again. =D

You have to take the good with the bad & smile with the sad. Love what you got & remember what you once had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from mistakes, but never regret. People change, things go wrong, but just remember; life goes on.

I think people for example Clinton, he used to blog on xanga a lot when he was in either middle school or high school, most likely more like high school, but now he says all that xanga stuff is crap and says that everyone on there is emo, and totally just puts it all down, like one time was talking about it and he was saying how ppl comment and are like yo man i feel you i feel you. It's just because he is past that phase of his life, and probably it's a time he doesn't want to remember (well that is all subjective to him idk how he feels).

Forget y'all!

Forget you all.

Disappointment. Hopeless people.

I am a strong independent woman.

Forget you all.

To think I thought I needed you.

To think I keep letting myself fall apart.

"The heart I didn't give away is eating itself apart."

Sometimes I hate people. That because it feels like they use me, I'm so temporary, so transient that I am not worth anything long-term.

And I hate that I often do not get my way. Which often is like always. Idk whatever.

Various Thoughts

I'm becoming scared and insecure again. I don't like it.

After Latinfest I feel disconnected. I had no one to walk me back. I had to call John who luckily was up still, which I yea he would be. But he walked me back to my room.

My issue with life:
I'm afraid to get too close, I'm afraid to fall too deep.

The Cali trip would allow me and Elley to catch up and have some great quality time together. =D

Latinfest was fun.

Thinking I should do senior solo next year.

I'm thinking I'd like to go to the Salsa Congress. It's May 22-24, and every night there is a Dance Party! Me and Raymundo will have a lot of fun!

Kyle is going to Salamanca, Spain for a month, I think she said in July? She said it is 3k @@!

Living

I feel living in a double hinders ability to be the independent woman I can, am, and strive to be.

Places I Must Travel to

Puerto Rico
California - San Francisco, OC
Canada - Montreal, or whereever the casinos/clubs are, for the ice wine - idk if I like it, oh well!
Spain: whereever the beaches are
Mexico: Oaxaca and Mexico DF, Mexicali, y las playas
China: Beijing to study Traditional Chinese Medicine

Jia Li wants me to go to New Orleans with her for a weekend @@ I don't know if I can take the time off and money... I think it is not likely I am going. She said she'd pay for a hotel, too. I just did a quick search and it gave me 300 dollars roundtrip.

Some other monies I'm going to be spending:
25 for Latinfest, 8 for Asian Nite if I go, 10$ if I go to CONNdella thing. I'll probably eat out and buy a birthday gift.

YOU ARE YOUNG

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

THE WORLD IS YOURS

Here's an idea:
Working for the weekend.
Sounds good!

-STUDY
I need to buckle down for real and study yooo. Gotta be more serious about this school biznaz.
stop pretending I have so much time in the world.
gotta make it bizness during the week. f the social life basically!
go to BAILE sometimes, though.

-MAKE MONEY
I need to make it to work on time and always and make it to those extra events so that they can love me some more. And thus, I can save some monies! I have 600 more dollars to look forward to banking sooo I gotta BANK that shit.
Stop spending on: make-up, food, drinks, bars, movies,
Expenditures: ballet 7, latinfest 25, food sometimes.

-BE FIT
I need to work out!
gym, reschedule that racquetball date with Greg, work on my shot with Rob, run around campus in the morning - 4am-5am, then study in the study lounge in the morning before classes.

-BE HEALTHY
workout, hygeine, be good, sleep

SUMMER
Sin City
Teddy's
Barca ?
CVS
California Vacation: 1 week = -$, hit the beaches!, shopping malls, Asian food!
Buy a car
Hospital hours?

Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years.

Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years.

When people mention high school, I kind of... hate it.

Somehow though from the past we are to learn from it.

¡Examínate!

If you see a good person, imitate them. If you see a bad person, examine yourself!
My friend had something to the effect of this, but in Spanish - I'll find it later.

Labeling as a Traitor & Hobbies

My friend was surprised I was listening to asian music the other day... geezz I'm NOT anti-Asian. (not saying that she thinks this, I have no idea what her thoughts are.)

Well the other day was a probably a couple weeks ago

But com'n guys! I'm open to a lot of stuff - just try me! I'm not really as closed as you may think I am.

Gosh, do I really come off so badly? I make the worst impressions eh? Idk... weirdos. But I appreciate language, I am a bit of a linguist, I like it. though I think I need to find some more hobbies... I have

Latin dance
dancing in general I suppose
Spanish language
soon to be more languages...
but... need something else
play an instrument? - maybe I leave that to my sister? idk.
i'm not much of an artist, well I'm not too bad - it just takes some time... though I like to make my own doodles like how I made my signiture rabbit - it's actually some kinda of spin off of another rabbit I was trying to imitate - I want to develop a more evil version.

"So probably during spring break im just going to hang out with raymond. elley most likely won't be able to go out to a club. so whatever i'm planning on not going out, I don't think she wants to go anyway. I just want to drink some wine and watch a movie. I'm definitely all set."

day of year 21 past

I said that I don't think my 21st birthday can possibly be made up.

I had went out with some friends to Chuck and Augie's, to me, just because, but then they tried to make it all Birthdayyy, and it was a bad evening - that's what it amounted to. So... yea perhaps if they didn't then it would have been fine, however no, either way, I would have felt forgotten.

My birthday has rather become an upsetting thought.

Spanish

Perdita no entiende a ella misma. = "Perdita does not understand herself."

por mi cuenta = by myself
for example, learning guitar by myself.

Limits of Healthcare through Language

People are always sayin' about immigrants that you know they came to this country, they should learn the language. (I've met 2 people in the pharmacy that shares this belief so strongly - I believe they are conservatives and Catholics.)

But, in the realm of healthcare in the United States, or just even health care in general, it goes beyond that. As more or less as health care workers like even in a pharmacy, it goes beyond whether or not we are in the US, South Africa or you know anywhere in the world. Health care is about helping people, caring about people, helping them live better lives. And so, in order to better provide care for our respective populations, we can learn Spanish, we can learn Chinese - we can utilize our contracted language services instead of being stiff, stubborn and narrow-minded that we can only provide health care services, well not even services let alone communication, only in English. So, we can learn the language we can learn the culture. We can. Si se puede.

If you are a health care worker, do you not care about your patients/customers/clients? You would want to help them. And, we are always looking for better ways in which we can impart care. Health care is a universal thing. All countries, all cultures, they understand and share much in common in regards to basic systems - family, health, money, language, culture, government. These concepts flow through each economy, each nation, each country, each culture. Among them, with language we can go beyond. When you can understand another language, it's like you feel their soul.

Think about this:
Article 25 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

Article 25.
(1) Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.(2) Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection.

Girls Sentiments on sharedtalk.com & My longing for Spring Break!

I don't know why people think it is so awkward and weird to just start talking to people, new people. maybe they see it's a different means of communication like the internet, or that they see that someone else is different from themselves. Girls are soooo weird. Idk, maybe it is just people.

Why make things awkward when they don't have to be??? THIS I do not understand.

Girls, I tell ya, hahaha.

Well this whole thought came from my teacher for Intermediate Spanish for Healthcare Professionals asked us if we tried the sharedtalk.com. There's 3 fluent Spanish speakers in the class of which 2 were there today. There were a lot of people missing from class today. Then there was me, who is like intermediate to advanced...ish. and then there's basically all the other girls that are beginners - 5 of them today were present. But yea they think it is weird to be talking to a stranger I guess, but I was like huH? what no. and my fluent friend was kinda of like cause you are into it or something like cause I want to do it. Well, I think also one of the beginners this blonde chick like genuinely wants to know more Spanish and be able to use it in practice, I really feel that from her and she is hesistant to break out her Spanish, actually as well as other girls in my class are as well.

mannnn one more week and then spring break! and i can be pretty free to do what I like. I don't want to work tooo much because I want to spend some time studying by myself and enjoying my time especially enjoying my time with my laptop, catch up on some movies, catch up on the knowledge I am supposed to know for school, for pharmacy, for my career - I am such a slacker. Much to do. It is coming up to be my turn for speaker next week and it's for Bioorganic Chemistry - my least strongest subject, although I have said that Organic Chemistry is my favorite subject, god I feel like such a poser!!@@ What to do with myself!! Must be a better student!! I cannot miss anymore classes and pull any all-nighters!!

P2: Fall Schedule

1 PHRX 4010 - CPPS II
1 PHRX 4020 - PPE III
3 PHRX 4030 – Foundations in Pharmaceutics II
1 PHRX 4031 – Dosage Forms Preparation Lab II
5 PHRX 4040 – Psychiatry Module
2 PHRX 4041 – Immunology Module
2 PHRX 4050 – Pharmacy Practice Management
3 CHIN 1111 - Elementary Chinese: Business Focus
18

BAILE?
Collegiate Health Corp.?
Lip Sync?
South Singles
Dancing
Parying
Bars
Hanging out
Have a car?
Continuing to learn other languages
FUN

Late Night shared(talk) Encounter

So I hopped online cause I kinda of couldn't sleep.

I talked to a Mexican last night. But heh, to be more specific his name is Yuki. Aaand he's 100% Japanese, studying Psychology at university in Mexico DF, and he plays in a multi-racial multi-genre band. They compose their own stuff and they change up who sings all the time and they all play multiple instruments. He has 5 piercings on his left ear. I wonder what this guy looks like!! Oh yea he says he designs clothes and dances, too!

Oh man, so I went to sleep maybe 2am and woke up at 1pm... insane. I was supposed to work and then meet up with a friend to study. I work 9 to 12 - totally slept through that!

So now I showered, ate lunch, did some videos for Spanish, and now I need to write something on the discussion board, then read for CPPS, then pharmaceutics, then nutrition studying! tomorrow I have a full packed day. Yesterday, I handed in my homework but I forgot to finish one problem so I have to get it back tomorrow and finish it!!

Incompetence & Change

I have a lot of catching up to do!

Somehow I've gotten through my prereqs and got into Pharmacy school, crazy, right? And I haven't absorbed all the knowledge that I have supposed to have learned! It's ridiculous! Feel incompetent and stupid and try not to show it ya know.

I'm like dedicated, but not. It's like how people think I run a lot, but I really don't.

I need to give up dairy for a while, though then I don't know what I can eat kinda thing then, there's so much dairy in the dining hall, well then I hope to limit. Hmmm this IS why I like to go home from time to time, right? Cause I need rice! Real rice!

I need to work on my fitness period, that's it.

Tan

I want to go somewheres and get crazy tan!!!! TAN SAN!!!!!!!

Happy - ish ish ish

Happy I got my
-Spanish keyboard toggle works
-music to work ;)

slowly I am getting things in order

gotta buckle dooown

gotta figure out some deadlines, let's see:
-class registration starts 3/23

PHRX 4010 1 CPPS II
PHRX 4020 1 PPE III
PHRX 4030 3 Foundations in Pharmaceutics II
PHRX 4031 1 Dosage Forms Preparation Laboratory II
PHRX 4040 5 Psychiatry Module
PHRX 4041 2 Immunology Module
PHRX 4050 2 Pharmacy Practice Management
CHIN 1111 3 Beginner Chinese: Business Focus
3 Latino Healthcare
9 classes ya?, or maybe just 8 plus an EKIN class
-housing selection: idk when... south suites? or south singles?

oh yea news:
I didn't make LatinFest :shrugs: I guess I will still go. Hopefully some fun people will be there, ya?

FuchA

Spr09
Intermed Spanish for HCPs
Quantitative Pharmacy
Pharmacy Research Seminar
LatinFest '09
21!!!
Party with twins before they leave!
Spring Break:
-help Wooin's daughter with Spanish (New Canaan trip),
-visit Palisades mall?
-work @ CVS as much as possible
-Diabetes testing thing
-get laptop case

Sum09
CVS Internship
-work at other CVS Pharmacies, ie White St. and South St.
-establish proficiency in community pharmacy
-identify drugs in the pharmacy from what I have learned from courses
2nd job?
Hospital Pharm Hrs?
California - SF, LA
Nevada - LV
Continue practicing Spanish with sharedtalk.com and other programs I've found
Self-teach Chinese
Self-teach French
Self-teach Italian
Review Pharmacy materials
Get a car

Fall09
Chinese I
Elective - Latino Health Care?
Hospital Pharm Hrs?
Lip Sync?
Continue working at CVS so I can work over the Winter break, ya?

Winter
CVS
Hospital Pharm Hrs?

Spr10
Chinese II
Hospital Pharm Hrs?
LatinFest '10
Graduate! Degree - Pharmacy Studies, BS

Sum10
Study Abroad - Beijing, China - TCM
new internship? (would have to start in June)

Fall10
Start of P3 year!
Lip Sync?

Winter

Spr11
White Coat Ceremony
LatinFest '11

Sum11
and
on...
P4 rotations!!!

CHSC

Collegiate Health Services Corp = CHSC
:sigh:

Pay attention to these sequences... these dates.

I went to the info session on Friday. I went to my interview on Monday. I found out the site and day I was interested in was full. I don't understand why it is full. AND if it was full, then why even bother putting it on the list to choose froM?!!!!????

And so the girl said she would let me know I think Wednesday or Thursday, but it was one of those days. Then it got postponed til Friday. But then I didn't see anything in my e-mail on Friday. I saw Josh at the dining hall around dinnertime and he said it would be announced that evening. So... I didn't get anything. I e-mailed them again saying, I guess I didn't get it, but thank you - well that was it more or less. But the girl said she'd try to ask if they needed help for the Friday site. I don't think she understood =( But she e-mailed me back saying that they may be setting up a Saturday site and they'd contact me if anything. =/

So I wait and see, and wish for more.

GOAL IN CLASS

Participate in class more
participate in every pharmaceutics discussion section
talk in class

Languages

Languages to learn...
Spanish
Chinese - Mandarin
Italian - I heard Italian is close to Latin!!
French

Bad sleep can affect my whole day.

It kills me...

There's this girl who loves to talk outside my room really really loud and annoyingly on the phone. So I know like everything! I try to not know everything so I crank up my music. Today I did to the max. She's some marching band person - I get the notion there's some drama... I know how she has a some love interest... and she looooves to talk.. and today I found out she's going to Madrid, Spain this summer!! I am sooo jealous, and what's more is that she's a Spanish minor! It totally kills me. I like hate this girl (well 'cause she talks so crazy much while I'm trying to study @@, not that I even know her).

I wanna go to Spain!!

I wanna go to LA and SF, CA!!!

I feel okay about staying at CVS another year (at the moment). I have a plan.

I want to take dance lessons! (Tango? Salsa? - I'd like to Teddy's for their Salsa Mondays).

I'm tired. Ohhhh I have so much work for school. I'm trying to not get too stressed out though.

Total Prices.
dates: after school ends

cheaptickets.com
to Los Angeles: 306
2 weeks

studentuniverse.com
to Madrid: 667
5 weeks

We are all trapped in a maze of relationships that goes on with or without you.

Fake it till you feel it. That's how you should approach life.

some things i heard / was told... i'm not too sure about the latter, sorry.

I've gotten back just an hour ago with my dinner - a chicken cesar salad from the SU. And finally, as I've forgotten throughout the day, my first day of classes is over!

I work up about 45 min before 8, before my first class. I had complete rest, but not really enough time to shower and eat. maybe the times not exact)

the day started with drug info II 8 to 10, then we all filed to the next room for pharmaceutics 10-12! two hour classes back to BACK! then lunch at towers - pasta bar~~ my first time at pasta bar, it was awesome - i had the tomatoe alfredo. then i had my research seminar 1-2. then i had work 2-5. then i went downstairs for my Spanish class. and today we introduced ourselves in Spanish. i was late well not really they started early. but anyway, i was listening to a few ppl before me... omg so bad. my friend said they weren't even trying. on the class description it said u were supposed to have some competency. yo and we did an assessment - for her to gauge where our spanish is, and i finished in 4 minutes i scored a 691. it was like categories: <100, 100-200,300-400,400-500 and 500+. i musta got like one thing wrong. how the exam worked was if u got something wrong they give u something more ez and vice versa and we're supposed to do this at the end of our class - i think 700 must be the max. ahha this is insane! i scored higher than my latina friend crazy loco!

and we have homework assignments from our cuaderno. i guess i'm going to be doing the 3 pepper exercises haha!

1.20.09

stuff i did today
work (9-11:30): signed Elaine on a bunch of thank you cards, stuffed them and labeled envelopes, edited and updated a CV, which was very confidential - though faculty have their CVs up on the school website all the time. so :shrugs:

had a quick lunch at towers - the chicken nuggets were good. or rather they made lunch good.

watched the inaguration for about 20-30min.

chcked the co-op for some books, but nothing is in yet, but i have everything else

came back to change for the p3 white coat ceremony. it was a very good ceremony, great speakers - we are just so lucky to have such good speakers!! baraack... jk... buckley, a p3 named Jim. 3 good speeches heard today by SPC!

my friend Justine finally has decided we go to Caporeira. Polacko said tonight at 9, but i was like ugh we have class at 8 tomorrow... oh well we will see. maybe next week Monday.

i think i did some reading - and bought a book online for my spanish class.

had dinner. that was good. felt satisfying. and i had a good nice time there letting it all settle. i had some pains from lunch 'cause i ate and had to run to watch the inaguration at the pharmacy building.

okay it's 8:14 now and i will do some reading!

i did some reading in my online spanish book. now to move onto autonomic nervous system!

SPC out!

I'm over getting a task chair... I think I am. I will get one eventually.

I bought the a Sony digital voice recorder today at the Co-op! It was the one I was going to buy at Circuit City, and they were the same price, well with my 10 $ gift card to the Co-op, but hey, now it counts towards my rebate for next year.

oh ya and i found out i can't use it on my future laptop, cause the software that comes with it supposedly only works on 32-bit machines, BOGUS! that's sooooo backward. and adeMAS, i might not be allowed to record lectures! @@ well... last semester ppl never asked the professor to record them, which is disrespectful - they just did it. i never recorded though, i didn't have a recorder to use.

@@ I'm def gonna have to take out money out of savings to pay for all my bills. Maybe 300$. My bill's up on $1500, and climbing!

Makeup

No one neeeds makeup. It's just nice. =D

I like to try look not so damn tired! Cause I hate it when my friend tells me I look tired - which this I need to get over!

I like putting some effort into my look.

I gotta time myself some time on how long it takes.

Snowy Sunday

I'm supposed to go back to school today. Actually I kinda want to stay so that I can watch a movie at 8pm tonight! It's: Another Cinderella Story with Selena Gomez. I wanna see it cause there's this tango in it and dancing. I had no idea Selena Gomez could dance! Oh, inspiring! yay! It looks so fun! She looks too young though overall, I think it could be the puff of her hair and the chubbiness of her cheeks.

Though, thing is if I go to school tomorrow, then my uncle will be driving, and that takes a year to get to school, then. @@ If I go today, my brother will drive me and my cousin Brian up. But then I wouldn't have a tv and well the only tv would be the one in the hall lounge, but then I'll be back and set stuff up and refresh some of my knowledge - like Spanish! and of course the autonomic nervous system right.

Things I need to get before I go back: digirecorder from Circuit City!

Okay so I'm going to try something new. Previously I haven't found other body soaps to be as clean feeling as Dial and Irish Spring, I like the smell of them though! However, it has been fond that these said soaps leave soap scum, which can be irritating, and strip the skin of well everything which includes the useful good stuff - and so if you use a syndet, then you will strip less off, therefore, having less for your skin to have to repair.

I hope they hire some new staff at CVS - front store and pharmacy. They have to train new people cause in the pharmacy we will be losing like 3 people, and the front store can just always use good help. I hope Eric, Kevin and Sarah will still be around. They are alright.

Winter Break

I haven't done a whole lot this break.

I worked a lot at CVS, making 1k. So potentially I could have made 2k this break, that would have been sweeet. Well okay I have some experiences at my retail community pharmacy settings, that is good. I made a bunch of moneies, but I basically spent it all, too. I bought make-up at Sephora and CVS, stuff at CVS, glow-sticks at Wal-mart, a necklace and earring set at Wal-mart (for 1.25... which my sister actually paid for), earrings at Claire's, make-up at Sephora.com (for Jia Li and my sister Julie's birthday presents), I did more online shopping at Wet Seal for a pair of leg warmers and a dress, I finally got a laptop HP! ($900!), I bought two books that aren't necesary for school but rather are for myself they something like Technician something and its workbook, and then I bought two of my textbooks. Peter bought two of my other textbooks, but one of them never came =(((( I still have to buy a lab manual when I get up to school.

Geez, so it looks like I'm going to have to take out some money out of my savings to pay for everything. Now, what I have to look forward to:

I won't have to be doing my community hours (they are done!)
making 900 dollars over the semester with my work study
making about 40 dollars a month at CVS and over Spring Break
I plan to take a trip out to California in either May or August. I want to go with a friend or two and also meet up with my Singaporean friend. She hopes to get out to LA this August. It'd be soooo cool if we could meet up!!
Learn more in Pharmacy School.
Learning Spanish related to health care.
blogging more now that I will have a laptop
more expensives for laptop case, wireless mouse?, more books
apply to internships??
classes to become an EMT?

Campus Involvement:
LatinFest 2009 / BAILE
MASC Club
Collegiate Health Corps
Pharm Frat?

watch the match of GSP v BJ Penn!! 1/31

Lunar Fest to celebrate the Year of the Ox? $20

I will have tons of points - must use them! on NutriGrain bars for breakfast - they are pretty good when you are hungry!!

I planned to do a lot of learning over break, but it hasn't happened and I have one day before I learn. I will try to review my Nervous System. This upcoming semester will be a lot of work. I will have to stay on top of things.

Another thing I need to buy: digital voice recorder. I think I will go back to Circuit City and buy one. 30 dollars is a good deal, I think. I will have to go back tomorrow, or if I go out to the mall tonight, I will go. Michelle said she'd text if they have the fur lined hoodies I want. I was thinking I should get one of those language calendars from Borders. They ought to be on sale!

I gotta stop this spending spree!

Next semester I gotta hit the gym, study like no tomorrow, party hard when I get a chance, meet people, try new things, learn new things, keep life exciting! and write about how I feel and what's going on (briefly/detailed).

Oh yea, and my 21st birthday is coming UP! February 8th! It'd be cool to go to a party that weekend. And, have like one drink.

Ohhh, gotta live it up. Gotta gotta, live my life, gotta, make my own life. Next up, gotta save for a car. Hope to save 500 from work study this semester.

Oh and to stay at CVS? I think I will.

Goals at CVS:
proficiency in processing prescriptions
complete the stuff I need to complete in CVS's curriculum
work at other CVS pharmacies (White St., South St.)

Other opportunities: Pfzier, Covidien, BIPI, learn to be an EMS?

stuff to look into: MPH

Covidien would be a great opportunity. They give you I think 3k or something in the thousands for housing. Thus, I would be living in New Haven/Milford, how cool!! Oh haha, if Jacki ends up in New Haven, maybe we could live together again ! ahha It seems like Covidien involves compounding and basically next semester, that is what I think I'll be doing.

Oh well I didn't get to hang out with You Gao. I didn't hang out with anyone really. Couldn't go up to Boston to hang with CathyGRegMonica. I had Walgreens at 9am the next day, on New Year's Day. I hung out with Guang at Tuxedo Junction. I saw Michelle to give her her XMAS present. Gotta think of something next for her Bday!

Hmmm I think for CVS I will go back in two weeks, but then no go home all of February, but then I will need to just tell CVS to pay me for 4 hours and just come back for Spring Break. I will have to text Diane about this. That would work out to going home a total of 3 times. I feel like I went home a lot more last semester, I think I did. I love this putting me on for 4 hours so I don't get kicked out of the system and then just will owe working 4 hours sometime. It works out for my convenience.

Saying I stay at CVS, which the chances are likely I think, to get another job on the side, ya think? Though, I think I'll be able to get 40 hours a week this time around. I wonder who will stay at CVS. Rosetta was talking about going to Wal-mart. If so, perhaps I can go over to South St. sometimes! woo!~ Well either way that is my plan: to work at some other CVSs, that way I get experience with different populations and different medications and it will keep my on my feet. I also heard that as an intern I can have the opportunity to hang out with the Pharmacy supervisor - get to see what they do!

So staying at CVS would pull in prospective ~6k. That will be a nice lot of money. If I go somewhere else, maybe 1k more! We will see what the future holds for SPC, and what SPC has for the future.

Oh also I was thinking of going to Sin City, Waterbury 'cause Tila Tequila will be there - not that I'm a fan, but it would attract a lot of people to go! I asked Michelley, but she has to work til close, then I bet she'd be tired. I was thinking of asking people at work to go, but didn't get the chance, I was busaaay sortin' drugs like no tomorrow! and stuff. It cold out anyway. Anyhow instead I watched two movies: A Cinderella Story (with Chad Michael Murray and Hillary Duff) and The Notebook. I always thought The Notebook was that movie about the leukemia girl. Oh well. The Notebook was such a good movie! Initially I thought it was just some old movie 'cause old people were the first thing I saw and then some older generation stuff. IT WAS SO GOOD! I had missed some parts so I looked them up on Youtube.com.

My Friday 1/17/2009

Yesterday was Friday.

I woke up early. I had to drive my mom to work so I could have a car to drive myself to work. But OMG, no WATER! We had NO WATER! It sucked. But what we did was I dropped off my mom at 7 o clock and then I went home to pick up my toothbrush that I'd forgotten and went to my Uncle's house (two blocks away) to shower and brush my teeth. So lucky we have them so close, or else I'd be a smelly creature at work.

I had to get to work at 8am sharp. Well, I wasn't on time =// I stopped by Dunkin Donuts, if I didn't stop by I would have been on time =/ I didn't really need to stop by DD, cause I didn't have much time to eat anyway. Diane had told me I gotta get in and just hit it, sort them drugs like crageeeee. My mom had told me to go turn on the downstairs heat, but I had forgotten to do that and she called me at work to ask me to home and turn on the heat. But dude, if I left work, I'd have to take 30 minutes to do that! But my day working as Diane went well. I sorted the drugs in an hour, pretty damn good I'd say! Then I typed and typed, woo! so happy to have a good staff on.

First problem, let's see was this lady that the company switched Pharmacy programs and she didn't know it. I told her she could pay cash for now and then we would refund it with in a week. But then, she was like, do you know how much those cost! I paid x -illion dollars for this blah blahh blah. I want to see ur manager lbal blah. I didn't do anything about it, I ignored that last part and she went to see the store manager, Stan. So he asked me if we could call the insurance company. And I was like I guess, he said u guess or u can? I was like yea.. So I did that and found out they switched companies, so then I called those people and got the info and processed the stuff. While I called the old lady I guess started feeling bad and was like I'll go home and check, and before she was like ugh I have to go all the way hoME???? Yea idk they are mean, then they are nice ta ya, ah, whatev'. That's the way it goes.

And then some ol' lady wanted to get a CII filled, and apparently her grandson/son stole her other rx and filled it. Her option was to arrest her grandson/son. How unfortunate, handle it internally, or face federally punishment. And then there was a guy saying something about an insurance company authorizing a free fill - I've never heard of that before! @@ They can do that?


I go kinda mad when stuff isn't efficient. Today at Costco, it was a zoo! two people wanted to get past at the same time on both sides of me coming towards me. one by his own person and another a huge cart with like a sofa on it. I was just like what do u guys want from me!!! Like HOLY CRAP, man. People need to be more patient on the weekends, holy moley.

Anyway, I went home after work and my brother texted me that the 30% off coupon for hp.com is BACK! woohoo! But then I had to go pick up my mom at my uncle's house. since somehow idk how she took my other uncle's car to work and she had also came home to turn on the heat. But I waited for my mom by kind playing with my little cousin Andy, who is in kindergarten. He just runs around like the wild child he is and watches the same thomas train dvd over and over again. so my aunti offered me some cashews. apparently my mom went with my uncle and they got these said cashews.

NEW* Cashew Allergy

I had like 3 cashews, I swear, totally not close to like 10 cashews, even. After the few cashews I felt weird, itchy tongue. then it developed to a constriction in the throat. Scary shit. But all the while I could breathe, wheew. I got home drank some OJ and soon had a tummy ache. I chatted with my sister and she said her friend had thrown up and that the dr said that was the best thing to do. I looked up symptoms of allergy, they can be GI upset/diarrhea. i sat on the bathroom floor for a while but all I did was burp. (I later found out my sister's friend had made himself throw up, something I didn't know. also the dr said if he didn't throw up he would have had a worse reaction...) My mom set me up with some asian oils on my tummy and an electric blanket. I also took some benadryl and ginger ale. I think I fell asleep, I don't really know. and then I woke up or something and started feeling really itchy. my back, back of the head, chest, like everything so itchy. OMG SO itchy! I had my sister research treatment for hives, they said the best thing was a soothing bath with oatmeal and junk. I just did soap and water and did some apricot scrub.

i was all pink. if you saw my face - i had some white around my eye and everything else was pink! and then i applied some dry skin therapy creme. aveeno seems like that would be the best solution. though i think it has soy it it. i had tried an aveeno face lotion and did not react well to it.

allergic reactions are very much no fun@@~!!!

i've had cashews before, wth now, i'm allergic NOW????

This year...

start running again
go to the gym OFTEN
lift!
learn a lot
remember how to rock climb again
buy a laptop
buy a wireless chargeable mouse with browser buttons?
visit california

okay i want this laptop:

http://www.gateway.com/systems/product/529668243.php

I'm thinking I'll get this computer:
http://www.circuitcity.com/ccd/productDetail.do?oid=233245&cc_fm=Toolbox+Cart
It's $629.99 at Circuit City.

or something faster

or a Lenovo IdeaPad Y

I'm loving the song: Nek - Laura no c'e. It also comes in Spanish (Laura no esta) and in English (Laura is away). The guy is hot! I want a poster of him.

So Unionville, CT CVS does 1200 a week. My CVS does 2000 and last week we did 2200 'scripts.

I still need to brush up on my Spanish!!

I still need to study the nervous system!!

Oh yea, I also wanted to buy a chair!!

I worked for Diane today. 8 to 4. I was there with Phillip. I was 4 minutes late. I guess some woman came in at 8 and gave him scripts, but he waited til I got there... well he was waiting for Diane to get it.

Goals:
Super
Ambitious
N/N
Dedicated
Youthful

Tenacious
Energetic
N/N
Giggly

Laptop

I'm using my sister's laptop, it's a lenovo x61, has a 12.1 screen. it's not too bad. it doesn't seem so small. and it's really light, 3 lbs! but no touch pad. but i guess i should get a 15.4 which would be like at least 5 lbs. not as LAPtop friendly... in weight. but i would mostly be using on a desk. but it would be great to have something light like this - very mobile.

so...
hp
lenovo
sony???

i kinda thinkin' not toshiba b/c the battery life doesn't seem very good.

i'm hoping to find another deal for a hp soon like tomorrow.

i'm excited i'm getting my ann taylor sweaters tomorrow! yay! I'll see if they fit. I really hope they do. I ordered petite smalls in a green and red color. they were 24 a piece, a pretty good price! and they are from ann taylor LOFT!

i also got my new mobile yesterday. it's pretty good, i kinda didn't like it at first, but i'm getting used to the change fast. it's pretty nice. the screen is clearer, i have a bluetooth set, 1.3 megapixel camera, can change the menu settings - a lotta good things.

What the Future Holds...

Winter 2009
finish my IPPE II stuff: Community hours for a total of 100 hours.

Spring Semester 2009
10 classes, 1 kind of doesn't count because I finished the time consuming part already. Then, it's like 20 credits opposed to the 22 I'm actually taking. So I guess that is something positive to think about.

Turning 21 very soon!!

Will either receive my laptop before or after my bday - hopefully b4!! I bought a passive laptop cooler, the Xpad. My thinking is that well what I have read from tests is that laptop coolers cool the CPU about 6 degrees. And so, 6 degrees is not a lot to us, it's not something you really notice, but I'm sure that 6 degree swing is important to your computer! I tested it out on Jacki's laptop. I think it works. It does seem cooler. Her laptop gets HOTTT.

I'm thinking of going to Chuck & Augie's on Friday night for dinner then after either partying or a movie (a scary one! or a funny one!) - kind of depends on my mood, but I like parties ! My real birthday is on Sunday, but Friday is optimal time for hangout time.

Looking to fit in Latin Fest 2009 this semester. That would be a lot of fun and also a lot of time to commit.

I applied to that Collegiate Health Service Corp, and that is like 1.5 hours at site (including transit) plus time spending prepping for the educational sessions. I think it'd be a great experience and also a great thing to be apart and contribute.

Also, I'm liking my work-study job. It's a great environment of predominantly women and I feel like I can be me and normal. It's also like a break for me because I'm basically in class relatively a lot. It's like, finally, I can take a breather.


Summer 2009
remain at CVS/pharmacy hoping to experience working at other stores as well
travels: LA &/ SF , CA ; Spain??
take dance classes!
enjoy being 21!

Fall 2009
Chinese I? <-- depends if it fits my schedule really
Work? - most likely they will keep me on @ SON even if I lose my work-study
Work?

Spring 2010
Chinese II?
Work?
Graduate!

Summer 2010
travel: study abroad to China?? ; Spain? ; Mx? ; Cali?
internship

... beyond

resolutions

show the world who i am, show people who i am
have a lotta fun
go out
drink
dance
latinfest 09
be better in social roles
perform better much better academically
exercise - go to the gym 5x a week
eat well - use up my points properly