"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything." (Chuck Palahniuk)

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."
- Hermann Hesse

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Dr Seuss

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it."
- Catherine, Wuthering Heights

"my milkshake bringeth all yon gentlefolk to mine yard, and lo they reply, ''tis better than thine!' Verily, 'tis better than thine! I could apprentice thee, but I wouldst levy a fee."
- Saw it on a youtube video comment

"How frightened hypocrisy hastens to defend itself."
- Les Miserables, Victor Hugo

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
- Aristotle

I know this is really mean. Okay some aspect of this is mean.
We all want to have beautiful friends. We want to mingle among beautiful people. My friend said let's go to South, that's where all the beautiful people are, okay well that's what he basically said. A fellow student worker of mine she's a white girl with long hair and there's something about her face, everything nose (I think) up are normal, but her mouth is weird, it's droopy, looks like she has a small cleft deformity and overall gives her this lazy look about her. I don't know her well at all. I am being superficial. You think about it, looks are the resume in the social sphere, and also, you think about it, people that looks normal chances are they are normal. Thinking about it from a genetics perspective, their phenotype commonly reflects their genotype. I say in general terms, however. If you took look at a picture of my eldest uncle's cousins, you would think there's something not right about them. Psst, and that's 'cause there is.

Don't be so quick to judge; if you're too slow to understand.

Fate is building a bridge of chance for someone you love.

- Old Man

BE AGGRESSIVE!

BE AGGRESSIVE!

Must be more aggressive!

Be aggressive to get what I want whether it is selfish or for someone else - in any event it serves my interests.

BDay 22

I celebrated my birthday with 16 friends at Chang's Garden eating family-style - the only way to eat Chinese food, in my opinion. We had lots of food - people enjoyed it, I thought it was alright. I had my FIRST Sake Bomb - I don't even like sake, haha. And Ken got me this wonderful bottle of Moscato. AND my twin sent me this HUGE red wine glass (with Sandy etched on one side and Happy Birthday! on the other side) via post to go with my Moscato. (I really shoulda got that bottle of Moscato I had in Oz, but it's okay Ken got me one.) I shared it with everybody, but I probably drank most of it. We polished off the bottle. :D THEN, we all had tequila, and I had Bacardi, too. THEN, HAHAH we went to a school dance, hahhhhh - I told Day Day and he was like FAIL. Pshhh whatever, foo'. It was FUN.

Anyway so Elly later told me about something that bothered her. My friends I was with were mostly couples, ok all couples except Ken and Elly, of the friends that went to the dance that is. So my friend said: "Idk how u do it Sandy. I turn one way there's a couple, turn to another side there's another couple, ANDDD ANOTHER." I'm just like :shrugs::. I told one of my friends she said: "You're strong." I don't, I don't think about it. I don't let it bother me. 'Cause really, it's not a bother. It's something that had occurred to me this year and last year when another friend said the same thing to me.

With what friends remained and new ones (7), we took over the lounge and played Taboo! We did boys versus girls. I already knewwww MY TEAM was gonna win, NO contest, I had it in the bag. The guys were banking 5 a piece or less, lamme. When it came to my turn, I was on fire with TEN --> TEN(G) hahah. I love that game. Some of my clues were like, "Sometimes we partyyy and sometimes wee....." Elly's like lookin' down minding her own business, straight chilin' she's like, "relax." Me: "YEA!" People are like what!? Yup yea, relax!!! ahhaha.

You wouldn't guess what me and Elly did the next day! hahaha. We went to a book sale at Mansfield Library. We get there and Elly's like, "I'M SO EXCITED WE'RE HERE!" I'm like... OMG >.<>really nerdy of us, and that's not the end. We bought more than 20 books and a couple DVDs together FOR only 12 bucks!!!! We did gOOd.

Soooo why the sudden desire to buy books?

I visited my pharmacy friend and she had like a library of books in her room. I'm like how do you have time to read?! Well, I'm sure I can fit in reading some books, afterall I'm doing a bunch of other things now - studying a lot, karate, 5K training, a lot of reading, keeping in touch with people, getting enough sleep, reviewing all my old coursework and just various things I want to do. But really, since this past summer I really, really wanted to do some reading. There's SOOO many books I haven't read that I just feel I should and I'm just missing out. I blame myself 'cause I stopped taking Honors English in high school because, well, I didn't want to do summer reading, and I always had this paralyzing feeling and avoidance when I had to read literature because I didn't always get it and one of my English teachers told us she was going to make us write an essay every week, which actually didn't happen. I had thought that because teachers assigned me to read books it took out all the fun of reading - well, it's not really true. I did enjoy the several Vonnegut books we read. I want to read them again. Anyway, I recently finished reading The Catcher and the Rye. I liked it though didn't like it because I disagreed with Holden a lot.

Anyway, I had a birthday on Monday. I started it by getting up early and taking in the sunrise and doing schoolwork. Then the normal, classes, but with some BDday phones calls in the morning and at lunch with D - dude still doesn't mind the time zone.

I danced un poquito de salsa y merengue tonight with some Colombian guys. (They were also amazed by my Spanish, I was like yo por supuesto se habla español!) That was fun, though I don't think they know many turn combinations. The amount of fun you can have is partially limited, no... basically limited to the ability of the guy. That's why I want to learn to be a guy, start poppin' out chicken wings and such. But, I can't wait to go dancing in Boston! And I definitely gotta hit up Brick/Ray and B for a salsa night again this summer or maybe even Spring Break, maaaaybe.

Quotes

"I have always believed that there were three stages of enjoying life: looking forward to something; experiencing it; and then having the memory of it"
-Edward M. Kennedy, True Compass

"Legend has it that in the ancient world, a poetry contest was held each year. The third-place winner received a rose made out of silver. The second-place winner received a rose made out of gold. But the first-place winner received a real rose, a beautiful living rose that soon wilted, dried up, and died. I ask you, is there a single one among us who would not choose the living rose?"
-Edward M. Kennedy, True Compass
(A play on Tennyson's romantic notion: "Tis better to have loved and lost", excluding Tennyson's true 'player' status.)


What are you waiting for?
for the candle to burn out
for the evanescence to obtain permanence
for the sky to teach me infinity
for the grass to teach me humility
for the strength to accept its weakness
for the weakness to recognize its strength
for the chaos to realize its order
for the control to welcome its collapse

Watch your thoughts, they become words
Watch your words, they become actions
Watch your actions, they become habits
Watch your habits, they become character,
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.

Why limit oneself when the whole world is there waiting to be experienced? bliss*

Hope, Believe, Tenacity

There can be no life without change. To be afraid of what is different is to be afraid of life.

Success requires enough optimism to provide hope and enough pessimism to prevent complacency.

Dream as if you'll forever, live as if you'll die today. - James Dean

I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness - mother teresa

learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Live as though heaven is on earth.

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you; -e.e. cummings

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping stars apart
-e.e. cumming

To Love Someone is
Something, but to be
loved by the one you love
is everything
-S.D. Stavropoulos

"Give to the World the best you have and the best will come back to you!"

Try to be fearless, because fear can inhibit you and keep you from a life.

I came, I saw, I did, but most importantly I did it all better than the rest.

Do not be concerned if the next person is not doing his or her best.

Instead, focus on how you yourself are doing.

Do not wait till you find

the perfect place to

be calm and content.

Where you are

is already perfect.

"Success is a choice

Success won't happen unless you choose to make it happen. Success is not a lucky break. It is not a divine right. It is not an accident of birth. Success is a choice. If you want to succeed, then succeed. Deserve it. How? Outwork everybody in sight. Sweat the small stuff. Sweat the big stuff. Go the extra mile. Put your heart and soul into everything you do."--rick pitino

You have God, I have...

Admittedly I have been constantly passively trying to find resolve and recently just spiraled down and it forced me to have to find resolve in myself, in action, to keep climbing the mountain and reclaim myself. And I've been thinking about this awhile, some people have God to go to and be like oh yea God I have these problems and you're gonna see me through it yada yada. Wow sorry so cynical sounding, sorry. Some people have God - religion, a church, a book - God. They have God to keep them going through their days. What about the rest of us, us nonbelivers - what do we have?

One way to answer this is - we have ourselves. We have ourself to prove to us - we have action. Coincidentally someone else wrote about this I'm really not copying. Last year, my former "co-worker" friend gave me some great words on independence that sum up to action. Afterall, they say life's about the journey.

I have my 5K training, my karate, my studies, these are my commitments. I have myself. I've had a lot of disappointments with people. I'm the star I can count on. 'Cause then, the only disappointments I can control are my own. :)